Boldness:Thrive for what you want

ImageIf we think about James Dean, Brad Pitt in “Fight Club”, Daniel crag in “James bond”………all of them possess qualities that makes them to stand apart from the rest of the pack.

“Devil may care attitude” and “boldness “are definitely most significant among them.

Look at them, If they want something they just get up and get it. You just can’t see any hint of hesitation in their personality. Everything is effortless to them and they are favored by fortune.Because they are the bold ones.

For ‘Average Joe’s often being bold is not easy at all. That seems fair, because we are taught and conditioned since childhood not to be bold.And years of practice of those ideas creates hell of a habit which is very hard to replace by another one.

 

Obstacles of being bold:

  • We are accustomed and taught to please other people since childhood. From school to home everywhere ,we are taught to how to behave with others,  good manners ,talking politely etc. In spite of having it’s own causes, these things often indirectly influences us to nurture validation seeking mentality in our subconscious mind  .We often take a step back When being bold means you have to push your boundaries ,validation seeking mentality has no room for it.
  • I believe ‘being yourself’ culture is mostly if not solely, preventing people from being bold in many cases. For example, if you want to attract women, you have to develop fashion, body languages, conversation skill then you need to approach them boldly yet in a social savy way. This is bold option and need a lot hard work, but you can always choose easier ‘being yourself’ mentality by just doing nothing and ensuring  that during next Christmas you still remain a single  while each of your buddies has their girlfriends.
  • Being bold means you have to step out from your comfort zone, every single time. This is not easy at all. One needed a high level of emotional energy and right frame of mind to do this.

 

Pushing the limits: Road map to “boldness”:

There could be ten thousand way to achieve your goal but I am going to explain my way to do things. Boldness can be learned through practice. So some of my learning is here

  • Be clear to yourself what You want and how your decisions are going to affect future and surroundings.
  • Think what could be happen in worst case, like if death is possible then think twice , if it is just a rejection from a random girl or something like that, just jump.
  • Re-frame the situation from “problem frame” to ‘what if” frame’. Well, this one is trickier. Try to find opportunity in obstacles. Challenge yourself every time. If your coach tells you run one mile extra, think you are running because   you want to prove to world that you can fight off when even others think you are exhausted. This need constant practice, both finding opportunity and force yourself to change frame.
  •  Fight off victim mentality. Don’t blame other people or situation, if it’s really your fault may be totally or partially, for undesirable outcome. Just observe and learn which things can be done better way next time and don’t commit same mistake twice.
  • Don’t seek validation or follow others’ silence if you think things can be done otherwise. Don’t wait up for others ,raise your voice and take action.

 

Boldness and changes in life

Boldness is something which I believe ,can be learned through practice so it’s never late,you can learn whenever you wish.But persistence IS the key here. Embarrassment or negative even awkward reactions from others are parts of this huge learning process.

But hard work really pays off. By being bold you can learn how to thrive for what you really want to accomplish. you can get freedom from both of your validation seeking mentality and victim mentality .You will feel freedom and people around you respect you for your courage. They want you to lead them on. And You will be favored by fortune because “fortune favors the bold”.

 

onward and upward,

 

 

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Battle against Depression: some sweet addition

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“I am not feeling top of the world right now ,I want to escape from reality so that i don’t have to face my problems”…All of us at least several times have spoken these kind of words during our life time..And its quite ok to express your frustration sometimes.But What if, these frustrations  lead u toward “depression”???Helps are there definitely,but cant we,ourselves cant make any difference?? Let’s see

Some days back i was reading about some NLP and something amazing caught my eyes,a phrase..According to  NLP “you go there first”. which implies,if you want to transmit any emotion to others ,u need to first feel that within yourself. Emotion n thoughts r contagious.So emotion that u feel  effect how u filter information from surroundings.This is very relevant in this discussion ,as simply  when u thinking how bad is life for you…you are feeling low. And this feeling within you leads u towards more depression,again you are feeling more pathetic…n again you are more trapped in dread depression.

 

When you are thinking “I am worthless” whole day,you just cant change your situation..because you are even not trying to solve your problem at first place, instead your mental energy is just getting wasted.

Secondly when you are spending a great amount of time thinking how depressed you are, unwillingly you are developing an habit of spending greater amount time thinking the same .It’s like an infinite loop.

So, Stop nurturing Victim mentality.    Ok…..then what could be the possible solution??? 

Replace negative thoughts like“I am worthless”  with  positive thoughts like“well, how to start new things” or “how can I change my situation”.

i know ..its damn hard. But its an uphill battle ,you remember. One thing can help you in this regard,  whenever you feel emotions are crawling towards you , just go out, and give five people genuine complement . Key of success with these two things lies in  the fact “emotion are contagious”. You must have to feel happy within yourself to do any of them. And a happy man can be anything other than depressed.And yeah..that beautiful smile on your loved ones’ faces….  bonus points.

Second part of Counter-depression strategy is more implementation of positive thoughts. Think “how can I change my situation”, then make a plan, step by step. Don’t be shy to ask help from others. Immerse yourself to build yourself up again. Thus you will develop a habit of thinking positive. Soon enough you will find yourself in a infinite loop, but a positive one.

Changing of thoughts is much more difficult in real life than just sit and type about it.Take my word for it,you really need some strict self-policing  if you want any good.Period

Last but not the least,One of my observation is people who are in more control over their life are prone to less suffer from depression than who have lesser control over their life. So try to keep as many as possible options in terms of jobs, studies and obviously in dating.so that you can always keep depression at bay.

 

I want to make one thing clear …I am not a doctor or a physiologist, these are just observations of mine and some steps that helped me to overcome tough phase of my life.So while you consulting with doctors for medical help,these things can contribute in your life little bit.

carpe diem